The paradoxes of learning and development
You know it. And still you don't do it.
You often know perfectly well what you would like to do differently. That a conversation needs to happen. That you should be clearer, listen better, set boundaries sooner or, on the contrary, let go more. You resolve to do it. And still it doesn't happen.
How many do you recognise?
Our brain automates what works, seeks predictability, weighs up effort and protects what matters to us. All extraordinarily useful. Until the context changes. Then yesterday's solution can become tomorrow's problem.
Paradox 01 · Efficiency paradox
To become effective, we automate our behaviour. To develop, we have to examine that automatism.
Experience doesn't necessarily make us better. Experience makes us faster at what we have often done.
Paradox 02 · Effort paradox
We want to grow, but our brain is constantly weighing up whether the effort is worth it.
The brain isn't lazy. It's economical.
Paradox 03 · Reward paradox
What brings us relief in the short term can block our development in the long term.
A lot of behaviour that holds back development has one annoying quality: it works.
Paradox 04 · Predictability paradox
We learn when reality turns out differently than expected, but that very difference can be uncomfortable.
What do you do when reality doesn't fit the story you tell about yourself? Do you investigate, or explain it away?
Paradox 05 · Competence paradox
To grow, we have to be willing to feel less competent for a while.
“This isn't me.” Maybe. But there is another possibility: you just can't do it well yet.
Paradox 06 · Stress paradox
Precisely when we need our new behaviour most, old behaviour becomes more attractive.
The question isn't: can you do it? But: can you still do it when the pressure is on?
Paradox 07 · Feedback paradox
We need feedback to see ourselves, but feedback makes us vulnerable.
Without safety, people protect themselves. Without challenge, they protect their patterns.
Paradox 08 · Autonomy paradox
We want autonomy, yet organisations often try to organise development by telling people they have to develop.
Development calls for a shift from “I have to be here” to “I have something to explore here”.
Paradox 09 · Knowing-doing paradox
Knowing what good leadership is says surprisingly little about what you will do tomorrow.
Knowledge matters. But knowledge is not behaviour.
Paradox 10 · Intention paradox
A resolution feels like progress, while it isn't change yet.
Not: I'm going to lead more courageously. But: before 5 pm on Thursday I'll have the conversation I've been putting off for three weeks.
Paradox 11 · Learning illusion paradox
What feels good while learning is not always what teaches best.
Participant satisfaction matters. But satisfaction is no proof of development.
Paradox 12 · Time paradox
We want to develop quickly, while learning needs time, repetition and forgetting.
Practice isn't a place you take what you've learned to. Practice is part of the learning.
Paradox 13 · Experience paradox
Experience makes us more expert and can also hold us captive.
Someone can learn for twenty years. Someone can also repeat one year of experience twenty times.
Paradox 14 · Success paradox
The very behaviour that made us successful can block our next stage of development.
Which behaviour got you here, but won't automatically take you to the next stage?
Paradox 15 · Context paradox
We train the leader, while the environment retrains them every single day.
A programme can say: show trust. A system can say: make no mistakes. Guess which message wins on Monday morning.
Paradox 16 · Social paradox
Learning is personal, but you can't develop yourself on your own.
The group becomes a hall of mirrors. Not because others decide who you are, but because through others you see something that is hard to notice on your own.
Paradox 17 · Reflection paradox
To move forward, we have to stop.
Reflection is not a rest stop in development. Reflection is the moment when experience can be turned into learning.
Paradox 18 · Relapse paradox
Relapse feels like failure, yet it holds valuable information.
The goal isn't: never relapse again. It's: recognise it sooner, understand what causes it and choose again more quickly.
- Paradox 1
- Paradox 2
- Paradox 3
- Paradox 4
- Paradox 5
- Paradox 6
- Paradox 7
- Paradox 8
- Paradox 9
- Paradox 10
- Paradox 11
- Paradox 12
- Paradox 13
- Paradox 14
- Paradox 15
- Paradox 16
- Paradox 17
- Paradox 18
0 of 18 recognised
The eighteen.
- 01
Efficiency paradox
To become effective, we automate our behaviour. To develop, we have to examine that automatism.
Experience doesn't necessarily make us better. Experience makes us faster at what we have often done.
- 02
Effort paradox
We want to grow, but our brain is constantly weighing up whether the effort is worth it.
The brain isn't lazy. It's economical.
- 03
Reward paradox
What brings us relief in the short term can block our development in the long term.
A lot of behaviour that holds back development has one annoying quality: it works.
- 04
Predictability paradox
We learn when reality turns out differently than expected, but that very difference can be uncomfortable.
What do you do when reality doesn't fit the story you tell about yourself? Do you investigate, or explain it away?
- 05
Competence paradox
To grow, we have to be willing to feel less competent for a while.
“This isn't me.” Maybe. But there is another possibility: you just can't do it well yet.
- 06
Stress paradox
Precisely when we need our new behaviour most, old behaviour becomes more attractive.
The question isn't: can you do it? But: can you still do it when the pressure is on?
- 07
Feedback paradox
We need feedback to see ourselves, but feedback makes us vulnerable.
Without safety, people protect themselves. Without challenge, they protect their patterns.
- 08
Autonomy paradox
We want autonomy, yet organisations often try to organise development by telling people they have to develop.
Development calls for a shift from “I have to be here” to “I have something to explore here”.
- 09
Knowing-doing paradox
Knowing what good leadership is says surprisingly little about what you will do tomorrow.
Knowledge matters. But knowledge is not behaviour.
- 10
Intention paradox
A resolution feels like progress, while it isn't change yet.
Not: I'm going to lead more courageously. But: before 5 pm on Thursday I'll have the conversation I've been putting off for three weeks.
- 11
Learning illusion paradox
What feels good while learning is not always what teaches best.
Participant satisfaction matters. But satisfaction is no proof of development.
- 12
Time paradox
We want to develop quickly, while learning needs time, repetition and forgetting.
Practice isn't a place you take what you've learned to. Practice is part of the learning.
- 13
Experience paradox
Experience makes us more expert and can also hold us captive.
Someone can learn for twenty years. Someone can also repeat one year of experience twenty times.
- 14
Success paradox
The very behaviour that made us successful can block our next stage of development.
Which behaviour got you here, but won't automatically take you to the next stage?
- 15
Context paradox
We train the leader, while the environment retrains them every single day.
A programme can say: show trust. A system can say: make no mistakes. Guess which message wins on Monday morning.
- 16
Social paradox
Learning is personal, but you can't develop yourself on your own.
The group becomes a hall of mirrors. Not because others decide who you are, but because through others you see something that is hard to notice on your own.
- 17
Reflection paradox
To move forward, we have to stop.
Reflection is not a rest stop in development. Reflection is the moment when experience can be turned into learning.
- 18
Relapse paradox
Relapse feels like failure, yet it holds valuable information.
The goal isn't: never relapse again. It's: recognise it sooner, understand what causes it and choose again more quickly.
What does this mean for how we develop leaders?
Insight is not enough.
- An inspiring session is not enough.
- Understanding a model is not enough.
- Completing an assessment is not enough.
- Formulating a resolution is not enough.
- Even insight is not enough.
Lasting leadership development requires an environment in which a leader can move again and again between awareness, experience, behaviour, feedback and choosing anew. That is why we work with a recurring movement:
- Becoming awareseeing what you do
- Taking responsibilitychoosing what is yours
- Connectinglearning in relationship
- Reflectingexamining experience
- Getting movingpractising where it counts
- Continuing to learnrepeating and adjusting
17% Only 17% of all managers take the initiative for their own development. From “I have to be here” to “I have something to explore here”.
Are you one of them? Plant your flag.
Press and hold the button: your flag goes up and we schedule an introductory call. Rather try it yourself first? The platform is free for 5 days.